Some songs I wrote...

Hopefully they will be recorded pretty soon. They are acoustic songs. I'll have a myspace soon enough it will be listen as "Melodramatic Popular Song, Indie, Smooth Jazz"
Seriously.
Just kidding about the Smooth Jazz thing... It sounds like a kid with a guitar saying stuff. Anyway, these are some words.

/If your listening the problem is, that I want to sing, but have no song.
I feel empty and everything wrong,I can't find heart to connect to pen.
There's a certain feeling being two decades, old with nothing to show.
I watch the Hours go by in pairs, like headlights on the highway. And I've drifted so far from where I thought I would be.

Do you remember in your car?

All those songs that we'd sing?
and how we'd get lost
inside of everything.
and there were no better friends, than you and me.
but we're growing up now. and we're learning how.
to forget our dreams, and replace them... with mediocrity
and we sore, that we'd never grow up, but here we are.
and we all feel the sting. as we release.
and we all feel the sting. as we let go/

/it's being 20 and alone, its living in my mothers home. that's got me feeling tired.
It's this city and no where to go. It's loosing the friends I found home in, but looking for a hotel.
(yeah) there's a thousand song writers, with a million pens, but none of them have lived your life. So everything you want, and everything you need are right here, its not as far as it seems.
It's these fabricated lovers, growing up without my father, but plenty of alcohol.
It's lacking forward progress, it's feeling passion regress, to cold
(yeah) there's a thousand song writers, with a million pens, but none of them have lived your life, so everything you want and everything you need are right here. Nothings as far as it seems.
Ba da dat dat da.... (ect.)/

/It's endless you know
the road that we wind on down
I'm right here you know,
here I am.... Here I  am.
but baby.... slow down.
You cant swim at all. Just look at your tiny lungs. You can't tread at all in all that you've dove into.
but baby, slow down.
slow. slow down/

/I want to call you, I wanna call you baby.
I want to hold you, I want to kiss your porcelain cheek
But I could not find myself the words to let you know.
Because I can not find myself again,
No I can not find myself, again, again...
but still, I want to
I want to hold you like we're back in high school
and your the only thing that matters at all
but if you can not find yourself, than maybe we should wait.
because I don't want another regret, and you are much to beautiful to loose
and then with eyes wide you say, do you think that we, could find each other?
and then with every once of strength I say
no/

/I will set before my eyes, no vile thing
and I will hate the paths of those who fall far away.
and these evil things, the pleasure of the world, I won't know.
you (i) cant carry on this way
(it's like) you don't know your dying
Fix up your heart and  not your clothes.
return to the lord.
and you can cry here, and you can rest here, and you can repent here, but you must leave
here. In to the harvest, that you forgot completely. you know love matters most. why cant you show it?
you cant carry on this way
(you act like) you don't know your dying/

/Everything I have, It all means nothing
every dream I have, I wake up shaking

What if I never make it home
what If I never make it home?

Everything I have, I’d sell for something
but I keep looking back,
Like a wife to the city.

And If I never make it home…
And If I never make it home, just know
I love myself more than I could love you

who am I? I don’t know at all
Lord I miss you and you my hope
there’s dust on the pages you wrote
so where do I begin?

Where am I don’t know at all ?
Lord I miss you and you my hope
with my face red and eyes full of tears
only you can wash away…
but Jesus
I am...
the blind man
so won't you take that dirt from the ground
and open up your mouth
and spread it, or’ my eyes
and I will walk the miles
to bathe in the pool of Siloam
to bathe in the pool of Siloam
to bathe,
In the pool, of Siloam/

what do you think?

 

I Need to Feel Some History

I just wish things were like they were before, everything changes. Nothing is like it was, but I guess that’s the way it goes. If everything stayed the same I suppose there wouldn’t be much point, we would all get very very good at our individual problems and trials and there would be no struggle. Ha. No struggle. Sounds nice regardless of how silly it sounds.I’m learning to unremittingly date everything you ever do, think or write. (3/6/08) I have pictures from different eras, I can feel them but I have no idea what year it was. I cant place together any sort of timeline of my life. I would love to see a progression. I would love to see me shift from pot head, to emo kid, to heartbreaker, to Christian, to drunk, to Christian, to drunk, to coke addict, to Christian to whatever I am now. I would love to be able to remember everyone I’ve met and every beautiful conversation I had. Back when I was inclined to have the talks I never really appreciated them as much as I should have. Down here, im without close friends to share with, and I feel like even if I did have anyone to talk to I wouldn’t have much to say. Everything changes. I’m feeling pretty good tonight, I’m listening to Rilo Kiley’s The Execution of All Things. It’s so F_cking Beautiful. I’ve been having an extremely hard time finding any new music I like that much. I think I might like Louis XIV.

I'm back

:) i think im going to write again!